I sat with a friend as he poured out his various frustrations. He’d been drained from a reoccurring conflict with a brother in Christ whom he cares for, and it has stressed him out emotionally.

But he did something that amazed me. Through all the grief he expressed, he took blame for much of the dispute. He even took responsibility for things that he didn’t cause, leaving me confused and thinking no, that part’s not even your fault. It takes a great person of humility to do that, to soften your heart and honestly examine yourself during a feud.

He displayed the wisdom not to fall into hardheartedness.

A hardhearted fool plays the blame game. Because the game doesn’t stop at grade school. In fact, we become more tactful at the game as we grow older–so tactful that we can fool ourselves into believing that we are blameless. Or we’ll pretend to be religious and take a little bit of the blame, then shift the rest to our opponent and focus on him instead of repenting.

My friend’s wisdom allowed him to avoid this childish game. He saw things from the real-life perspective.

A wise person has the kind of discernment that leads to self-critique during a brawl. It doesn’t matter who’s right or who’s wrong or who wins or who loses. What matters is whether or not he learns from the experience and can humble himself enough to find where he may have lacked holiness and wisdom.

Are you in a conflict? Are you bitter? Are you harboring hate towards someone? Then examine yourself. See if you’re the type to construct worst-case-scenarios and build all your concerns around it. See whether or not your heart is hard and find out if you’re robbing yourself of wisdom. Don’t play the blame game, because it is prideful, destructive, and demonic.

So I look up to this brother of mine, and I ask you to do the same. For now, and for the future. Why? Because preserving an attitude of humility and focusing on the unity of Christ’s body is of utmost importance. Ephesians 4:1-16